Know when to listen and when to act

When someone tells us they have a problem.We try to solve it.Seem obvious to us.But apprently,that's not what's wanted.

Some problems, of course do require action.If your partner calls to say they're stuck in a traffic jam and they won't be home in time to pick up the kids,the odds are they're looking for you to step into breach. But when they come home telling you they've fallen out with someone at work,they dont't neccessarily want advice.What they want is for you to listen and let them know they're being reasonable.They want permission to feel upset or angry or hurt...

We humans are strange creatures,and we do need to know that our reactions and behaviour are acceptable.And your partner is asking you to reinforce their feeling by accepting them as normal.That's why they'll get frustrated if before they've finished talking,you're leaping up .They dont't need you to do that or any actions.They just want you to tell them they 're not overreacting or being unreasonable. You can always ask ,"Do you want advice or do you just need to get it off your chest?"

They need you to confirm that they have been through a frustrating /scary/upsetting/worrying/infuriating experience, and your sympathize and the way they felt was entirely understandable.